Moved!

I moved to a new apartment! What does this mean for me? I have a studio in my basement now! Sooo.... finally I can start working on some glass. However, it's a little small, so I can't make installation pieces just yet. I also need to clean and set up my equipment as well as do some "jiggery pokery" with the circuit box to get myself a dedicated breaker.

"Jiggery pokery" is a technical term, by the way. Just ask Doctor Who.

Art 206

I've been doing a lot more work on some side projects that involve new designs. I might incorporate some of this in my glass by using photo resist application or perhaps sandblasting. Again, I want to start working in the actual studio, but I don't have one! I'm really frustrated.

I'm taking Art 206, which is a 2D design class. It's been helping me break some of my problems coming up with innovative design. I'm not sure how much it's really going to help, but I think there are some fundamental underlying things that I do in my art pertaining to basic good design principles. I haven't been taught the names of these methods, so it's interesting learning what it means and also how they all work together. In the end I should be able to create more stunning and dynamic pieces.

I'm having some issues with my work...

I'm not sure that I have enough in my portfolio, really. I keep seeing that I need to have a large amount of pieces relative to what it is that I want to do in grad school. Sure, I have some artwork that would look good, but I don't have any work that really shows what I want to be doing. I want to do large installations of my glass, which will require a large studio space as well as a woodshop...

I feel doomed. I'm not even sure what program to apply to, honestly. I could argue that my work is art+tech, or glass, or even sculpture. Sculpture might be the best angle, but I'll have to meet some more professors and get a better idea. Doomed!

The Beginning

This blog is to document my explorations in art at Ohio State University. I'm attempting to get into the MFA program at OSU, hopefully, but really anywhere that will accept me that I can reasonably afford.

I am coming from the College of Humanities with a BA, but I have been producing art in the form of drawing, painting, cold glass, and other mediums. However, I am not sure that my portfolio is strong enough in my chosen medium: cold glass. Also, with the difficulty of finding a suitable studio for cold glass, I will have to work very hard to produce enough high quality pieces to meet the minimum requirements for the portfolio. This year I am entering OSU as an undergrad again, signing up for art courses, and "getting my foot in the door", so to speak. I hope to meet with professors and get their impressions of my work and decide what I need to focus on as an artist. I'll also be working extensively in my ramshackle glass studio, pressing out fine completed pieces.

I hope to use this blog to publish my work and open it up for discussion with a broader audience outside the classroom as well as document my path through what promises to be a very interesting time of development and growth in my career. I'll be making regular posts of photographs of works-in-progress, completed pieces, concepts, and plans. I might also be posting videos and audio clips that either document progress or are just me tapping my brain.

Who is BlueZero?

I am Blue Zero. It's hard to explain where that name came from or why I chose it, but I'll try my best.

I spent two years in the US Navy as an Aviation Electrician Mate working on the P3-C anti-submarine aircraft. Part of enlisting is taking a series of tests: the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery), the Advanced Sciences Test, and some other vocational tests that depend on your choice of job, such as the DLAB (Defense Language Aptitude Battery). I took those three and got a perfect score on the ASVAB, a high score on the Science Test, and an extremely high score on the DLAB.

When I entered bootcamp I did amazingly well, earning awards and medals, including two of the highest awards achievable in boot camp. Then I entered technical school and became the honor student in the class with consistent perfect scores on the tests. I was actually challenged by my teacher with the hardest problem to troubleshoot that he could come up with and I was the only student in the class who could discover the problem.

The reason I mention this is not to brag, but to show that I had an exemplary record. After I left tech school and entered my squadron, I was immediately treated like crap. This is actually not common in the Armed Forces, regardless of what people might think. Over the course of 10 months I was given all of the worst jobs, pigeonholed in the most labor-intensive workshop (which doesn't get any credit for the work accomplished), and hounded for any slip in performance. After taking a look at where my life was going, I realized that I had become almost completely diminished. I was nothing. I started writing and drawing under the name Zero as a way of documenting my anguish.

Slowly I started to realize that I really wanted to die. It wasn't just some ambiguous feeling of depression (which I have struggled with since I was 5), or just a cry for help. The feeling that grew within me was a true desire to end my life, which would have been a final end to my pain and an escape from the terrible prison that I had gotten into. There is almost no way to get out of the military without some adverse records or effects, so I felt it was the only way. Also, being I worked around dangerous equipment and processes, it would be easy to make it seem like an accident. One day I realized I had made all the plans... and then I made one last attempt to save myself.

I wrote a letter to my Master Chief, who is the last defense in the enlisted chain of command before the Commanding Officer, detailing my entire experience in the Navy from beginning up until that point. I told him, in a nutshell, that I'd become careless and detached and that eventually I'll make a mistake that either causes mine or someone else's death. That raised the red flag pretty quick, and within 2 days I was evacuated off the base and a month later I was back in my bed at home in Ohio.

I'm still alive, obviously, but I still have this feeling of emptiness. I still feel like the Zero. However, I've made a lot of progress in understanding myself and my life. I call myself Blue Zero because I love the color blue and I really needed to reclaim myself, even if it means accepting my zero-ness.

I am Blue Zero.